Congratulations!
So now you have hunted and picked through your manuscript. Found all those tricky nasty little commas
and spelling errors that we talked about in the previous craft entry. But Wait!
You’re still only part way to a completed manuscript.
Welcome to the world of dialogue and action – another essential
part of a well rounded manuscript.
Before we begin, what exactly is a dialogue or action
tag? Great question, young Padawan. A dialogue tag is she said, he murmured, she
grunted... Likewise an action tag is he
laughed, she danced, he rode...
Dialogue tags (and action tags too) should only be used
sparingly. You can also find a wealth of
different ways to share that information... she hissed, he yelled, she
bellowed... don’t use said, said, said... it does become
monotonous otherwise.
So dialogue... how do we present it?
Dialogue is when we speak. In Starburst, I have this piece of writing...
“Is there something I can do for you, Meredith?”
Meredith’s
eyes glazed with passion, and he watched, fascinated, as a red flush crept up
her cheeks. She licked her lips, sending a surge of awareness through his body.
“I, um…I
came to see how you were feeling.” Her eyes flicked nervously, as if she didn’t
know where to look, and he smiled, feeling triumph roar through him. He had
guessed—well, rather hoped—that she too felt that quick spark of lust. Yet his
experience remained limited to vids and reading, so he hadn’t been totally
sure. At least, not until now.
The dialogue is short and snappy without going on and
on. One thing new writers do is write
long sections of dialogue without stopping or breaking it up somehow. It does become tiring to read so remember to
break it up with action. But just
remember the action must belong...
“I really like that bra you are
wearing.” He turned the music up in the
club as everyone gyrated on the floor. “I’d
rather see it off you though.”
Sure I broke up the dialogue but the actions don’t match
the words what was going on in the story (unless they are about to do something
on the dance floor... uhh, maybe not, though.)
Dialogue that doesn’t fit the natural cadence of speech
is another issue for young writers. Do
you know anyone who speaks like this?
“I
can not see how you will possibly take control of the ship.”
More likely the people you know would say: “I
can’t see how you’ll take control of the ship.” This dialogue is more believable, simply
because saying ALL the words gives it a formality that we don’t use anymore.
There are times, when this rule doesn’t apply
though. If you are writing a character
from another planet/time/culture then you need to be aware and careful of the
cadence of their speech patterns.
All dialogue should be able to be attributed to a single
speaker. If you can’t then you may need
to employ a dialogue tag (be careful there!) or give them an action (action
tag) so we can tell who did or said what.
Keep the dialogue appropriate to the character being
portrayed. A young girl, for example,
about to have her first sexual experience is unlikely to cry out...
“I’m
coming... Oh My God!”
In fact, this character is more likely to be unsure, and
say something along the lines of...
“I
don’t... What’s... ohhh...”
When action
takes over
Okay, I’m going to try to keep the action section
brief. Action is any act or movement
undertaken by a character. It must, at
all times, be meaningful. You also need to be aware that in most cases
there is a natural progression to the actions.
You can’t have a character kissing the hero and sighing
at the same time. It isn’t physically
possible. So, you need to give the
actions a progression.
He kissed her softly on the lips,
then drew away. She exhaled. Nothing more than a sigh escaping her lips.
Alternative:
He kissed her. The she sighed.
Two actions in natural progression. Believable. In the alternative, it’s still there, a
natural progression but with nothing to soften it or draw the reader in. I know which I prefer...
Action should also be paced. Slow, medium or fast. Your use of a variety of verbs can help to
set that pace effectively. The Emotional
Thesaurus by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi is a great title to help with
setting the pace.
Imogene’s tips
to dialogue and action:
·
Work out who your character is and then write
the dialogue to match with their level of experience, age or even when or where
they live.
·
Keep the dialogue and action tags to a minimum.
·
Break up your dialogue with appropriate actions.
·
Remember to look for the natural progression in
the actions of the character, always remembering to ask can they do this while
doing that?
·
Keep an eye on body parts that do actions
without the rest of the body.
·
If you can’t easily work out who is speaking or
acting, then you need to find another way to present that action or speech so
the reader can work it out quickly.
Some Resources:
The
Everything Guide to Writing You First Novel – Hallie Ephron
Writing
a Romance Novel For Dummies – Leslie Wainger
A word from: Alysha Ellis
Dialogue tags are words like said, replied asked. There is nothing wrong with dialogue tags
especially the word said, provided it
is not over used, but active writing requires the use of action tags as well.
“I am angry,” he
said. There are several ways this
can be made more active. The dialogue is in inverted commas so most of the time
we know he said it. Already then, you are wasting your readers’ time telling
them what they can figure out for themselves. He questioned or he asked
are the same.
He said is also
telling. You could write he said angrily but adding an adverb is
not advisable (see above). Even worse is the constant use of dialogue tags like
he argued, he harangued, he warned, he
lectured. These are called bookisms and are not well received (In spite of
what elementary school teachers try to tell you.) One or two now and then might
work, but not if they are too extreme. So what do you do? You use action tags.
These have the advantage of being different and most of all they SHOW...always
your first and most important aim.
“I am angry.” He
punched his fist into the wall, and paced the room.
Or His cheeks
turned flame red, and two line bracketed his narrowed lips. “I am angry.”
The skill is to get a balance, making sure nothing is
overused and that you do not double up, using dialogue tags when you have a
suitable action tag in place.
AUTHOR BIO& LINKS
I write stories your mother would never let you read, even now that you're all grown up - but what Mama don't know can't hurt her. Live on the wild side a little. Bad girls have all the fun!
Beyond my writing commitments, I am also a member of the local Rotary Club so that takes up a lot of my spare time... but I have been busy. 
Today it is so cool and wet. I think many of us are over that whole wet thing right now. This is the view from the back steps. The lovely lush green look has left the grasses in the cattle yards behind us and become a drab olive. But we have to be patient as we suffer through this next season. At least it isn't as bad as sweltering through summer. (Which is not my favourite season.) 
Even Teddy has got into the act with his tshirts. The nights are cooling down and on cold days he snuggles into his shirts. As you can see though, he's not exactly overly concerned, is he? Oh and I'll only be intermittently online over the next week... I'm heading for ... Tasmania! Checking on my parents and attending a conference with the darling hubs... So if I get a few minutes, I'll try and upload some pics of that too.
